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A BS thingy

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1 A BS thingy on Mon May 14, 2012 2:49 pm

Klokinator

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I wrote this up because I had to write a report for Job Corps, and then I rewrote the entire thing to be more serious. This is the non-serious thing.


Carpentry Technology is a fairly new trade, invented by Jesus Christ in the year 0 BC, and is focused on building things out of wood and technological thingamajiggers. The trade pays a huge amount of money every year to a lucky participant of the Carpentry Olympics, who then win a free trip to Honolulu. This is evidenced by last year’s winner, Barbara Wilson, who met her soon-to-be husband in Hawaii, 2011. They will be married in 2013 and are living happily in a house she built with her own hands!

However, not everyone is as lucky as Barbara. For example, John Bingbo is a man who won the 2010 Olympics, and was crushed to death by a meteor from the planet Xorxon, just moments after receiving his reward and stepping offstage. Investigations are still underway as of today and multiple eyewitnesses have signed NDA’s.

To be a master at Carpentry Technology, you need guts, stamina, a steady hand, and the will to be the best there ever was. When someone drops a nail, you gotta catch them all and never drop even one. A young man named Ash Grey once dropped a nail and it landed on his coworker Brock’s head, now Ash has been sued for assault and battery. Such is the woe of a young man’s single mistake, one must be vigilant always.

As such, I hope to someday enter this trade, few of whom have ever actually survived longer than a year, and make a lot of money. Even then however, money is nothing in comparison to the artifacts known as the Carpentry Tokens, which grant you untold riches. If you take a token to a neighboring company, that company will pay you a vast sum of money to possess the tokens of their competitor, as the tokens have secret knowledge buried deep within them, which can be activated with the magic word each company keeps filed in a secret briefcase surgically attached to the arm of their current CEO or other Higher-in-command. This piece of paper contains the single most priceless word that any company might possess, and none know the word, not even the CEO, until they open the briefcase. However, what few know is that saying the magic word activates the self-destruct sequence for the company’s main offices worldwide, and therefore is even more dangerous than the name of Chuck Norris spelled backwards. (Don’t try saying it, or you’ll die.)

Where was I? Oh right. This trade can make you a millionaire virtually overnight, and best of all, it does not discriminate against anyone. You can be young, old, white, black, Asian, straight, gay, and even Amy Winehouse, and still be employed in this trade. It takes time, patience, sometimes even vast sums of money to afford the colleges, but this trade always pays off if you stick with it. I plan to stick with it till the end, where I must duel my instructor and show him how I have learned the ways of the Nail, and our staple-gun fight will be the most glorious of all such battles ever shown on even popular sites like YouTube and Yahoo!

And that is why I want to be a carpenter.

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

2 Re: A BS thingy on Mon May 14, 2012 3:06 pm

Primefusion

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TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST. TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAAAAAUUUUUSSSEEEE.

3 Re: A BS thingy on Mon May 14, 2012 3:25 pm

Yoshi

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And that is why I want to be a carpenter.


___________________________________
Greatest Prime quote in existence:

4 Re: A BS thingy on Mon May 14, 2012 4:55 pm

Klokinator

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I love you guys.

In that way.

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

5 Re: A BS thingy on Mon May 14, 2012 7:19 pm

Mercenary Lord

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That is so fucking hilarious. I am extremely glad you did this.

Do you have a blog yet?

http://www.klokreations.net

6 Re: A BS thingy on Tue May 15, 2012 10:41 am

Klokinator

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Can't access blogspot, so sadly, no. Won't have access till I'm out. Once I get my computer I'll convert my journal/transcribe it to a word document(s).

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

7 Re: A BS thingy on Tue May 15, 2012 2:42 pm

Mercenary Lord

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All right...

Sad

http://www.klokreations.net

8 Re: A BS thingy on Tue May 15, 2012 6:39 pm

Klokinator

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Hey, who wants to read my powerpoint presentations I made on ...

Natural Methods for Birth Prevention
Gonorrhea
PCP and You

?

The first one is insanely funny xD

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

9 Re: A BS thingy on Tue May 15, 2012 6:50 pm

Primefusion

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PCP and You sounds far more entertaining than birth prevention.

10 Re: A BS thingy on Tue May 15, 2012 6:55 pm

Klokinator

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It is pretty funny xD

I emailed them to char along with the PW, hopefully she can add them to DB, email is my only way to upload files.

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

11 Re: A BS thingy on Wed May 16, 2012 7:43 pm

Klokinator

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Okay, here's the DL link for PCP and You. mediafire.com ?4xvd27xbe0khj41
And here's the DL link for Natural Birth Prevention. mediafire.com ?l7d3wxqqcqwwwd2

The PW for the Natural Birth Methods is

1qwe%TYU

It needed 8 digits in a mix of letters, numbers, upper and lowercase, and a symbol, so that's what I used. Idk why lol. The other file will not need it.

Also, the Gonorrhea one was lame. PCP and You was rushed and unfinished, only the Natural Birth Prevention one had a ton of work put into it.

http://klokreations.forumotion.com

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